I woke up Wednesday feeling pretty at peace with myself and what was about to happen. It was finally the day to appear before the judge regarding the restraining order I had filed against my ex. I thought I had it all under control and this was going to be a breeze. It wasn’t until I started driving to the courthouse that I started to have an anxiety attack. Oh my goodness, where did this come from? My heart started racing and I could feel myself shaking inside. Court is never a fun place to be. I prayed on the way there…”God, cover me with your peace and let me stand in your truth. Guide my steps and give me the words.”
My dear friend Julie, went with me and kept me distracted and laughing the entire time we waited. I had told her the night before that I really didn’t need her to go but I am so glad she did. As we sat outside the courtroom, along came the ex, smiling and waving at us like this was just a big game. I was just in shock and awe at his brazenness.
When it was finally our turn to approach the bench, the judge asked me what I wanted to do. I asked that he continue the restraining order for a minimum of 3 years. He turned to the defendant and asked if he had anything to say. My ex said yes and explained that he had just had cancer surgery, was on pills, had been drinking, and that he had made those calls in a moment of stupidity and under the influence. He said he was back in AA and doing well. He went further on to say, “She knows I didn’t mean it.’ The judge stopped and asked him, “How do you know what she knows?”, which of course he had no answer for.
He went on to say that he had apologized and made amends and thought I had accepted them and everything was okay but apparently, “she just wants another brownie badge”. I could tell the judge was put off a bit and asked, “Did you say, ‘I’m going to kill you and bury you in your back yard?”
Ex, “Yes, but I was drunk.”
Judge, “Did you send a picture of the baseball bat you were going to use?”
Ex,”Yes, that night when I was drinking.”
Judge, “Well, they sound like valid threats to me. Sounds like you’re still a bit angry.”
That last comment from the judge was because the ex kept bringing up the fact that his girlfriend had miscarried the day after all the threats he made to me. The judge went on to tell him, “It sound like you are blaming her (me) for the miscarriage which is wholly unacceptable.”
When the judge asked him how long had it been since he had had an alcoholic drink, the ex replied, “5 days”, which was a lie but I didn’t need to point that out. It was so obvious.
When all was said and done, I didn’t have to say much at all. He buried himself with his pompous and accusatory attitude and I was granted a 3 year restraining order.
It’s really hard to understand what happened to him. In the 4 years we were together and in the 35 years I have known him, I have never seen him like this. It boggles my mind. They say in recovery: Jails, institutions, or death, and I’m afraid that’s where he is headed. Very sad but at this point, not my concern any longer. That sounds harsh but it is the reality and I am completely at peace with it.
I never wanted to go through this process but if I hadn’t, I would still be allowing someone to treat me bad and once again, not respecting myself. I didn’t deserve the things he did to destroy our relationship and I certainly did not deserve the things he did after our relationship was over. I did not necessarily have to “fight” but I absolutely had to stand up for myself and I am proud of my self for doing so.