Oh this sucks!

I will forever be codependent. There is no cure. It is not something I can take a pill for or watch my diet or exercise. The only way to keep it at bay, is to put into practice what I have learned over the years and know that tomorrow will be a better day.

As codependents, we have to learn to focus on taking care of ourselves in order to be healthier, happier and more peaceful. We are taught to set boundaries and that in setting boundaries, there must be consequences when those boundaries are crossed. We have to be strong enough to enforce those consequences, not by shaming or blaming the other person out of anger, but with the love and mercy God has shown us, as we continually fail Him.  

Well, I am obviously not there yet. I have learned to set boundaries and I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with it. I’ve even gotten somewhat comfortable at communicating those boundaries. What I have not gotten good at is setting the consequences and being able to follow through in a manner that is healthy and I am at peace with. Especially when it is someone with one of those “A Type” personalities. You know the ones, pushy, arrogant, self-centered, manipulative…

This week, I had someone cross my boundaries once again. No matter how many times I tell him one thing, he pushes, bullies and manipulates to the point I lose it. Yep, I did that this week and I know better. Will I apologize for my outburst and harsh words? NO! At this point, I feel it is a consequence for his actions. It was my truth and I spoke it.

However, after some reflecting, I do know that I could have handled it better and in a way that would not have left my heart pounding in my chest and my body shaking. I did not take the opportunity to “DETACH” (Don’t Even Think About Changing Him) and I forgot to add the SALT (taken from the book “Stepping Stones To Recovery for Codependency).

I tend to learn as I go. Experience is a great teacher. I know I am allowed to have the feelings I have and acknowledge them for what they are and I know I do not have to react to them. I’m better than I use to be but obviously, I have a ways to go. I almost hate the phrase, “Practice makes perfect”. Hahaha…