My normal and usual response when someone asks, “How are you?” is to respond with, “I’m fine” or often times, “Great!”. Sometimes it’s the truth and sometimes it’s not. When it’s not, you can’t always tell because I have become so good at masking my feeling. (I was going to use the phrase, “I have become so good at deception” but that just sounds so terrible…sooooo…let me be the true codependent I am and soften that up a bit by using the phrase “masking my feelings”. Hahaha…see how much better that sounds.) These days, those closest to me can tell when I’m lying. Sometimes that sucks because I really don’t want to talk about it and I really don’t have to if I don’t want to. I just let them know (which I am able to do these days) that I’m not ready to share.
There are days that I am (taken from the list of Recovery Acronyms):
- F – Faithful
- I – Involved
- N – kNowledgeable
- E – Experienced
And then there are days that I am:
- F – Feeling
- I – Insecure
- N – Numb
- E – Emotional
What to do, what to do, on those days you are feeling blue?
It is hard sometimes to pull myself from the bad FINE to the good FINE but it is possible if I don’t half-ass it in the process. You know what I’m talking about. Like going for a drive and enjoying the beauty but listening to sad love songs all the way. Or going out to buy myself something I’d like but looking at the things I wish I could still buy for that someone else. How about this one: scrolling through your Facebook wall, reading, commenting or sharing all the encouraging posts that fill your spirit but then hopping over to his page to see what is going on with him? Yep, real downer there.
When you take the time to really focus on yourself and fill yourself with positive things and stop letting those negative things slide in, you slowly start to feel better and stronger. I know, I know…it’s hard, but guess what? IT IS DOABLE!
Think of the little things that fill you up and refresh your spirit. Is it walking through a creek and enjoying the beauty of nature all around you? Listening to a happy song? Walking and playing with the dog? Sitting at the ocean, listening to the waves crash upon the shore? Taking your children or grandchildren to the park or for ice cream? Soaking in a warm bath? Taking pictures of flowers?
Whatever it is, just do it! Take those few precious moments and think of only you and what you are doing. Keep your focus on yourself. Really, it’s ok to do that! Give yourself permission to love yourself. If you don’t, you won’t have any to give to anyone else!