Several months ago I created a post with extremely foul language, filled with anger and hatred. A couple of months later, I took that post down because I didn’t want to offend anyone and I also did not want people to think I was just some trashy, foul-mouthed lunatic, if that were the only post on my blog they read.
Well today, for some reason, that post popped into my head and I started thinking about my reasons for taking it down. Uh oh…here I go…digging deep…
My reasons were based out of codependency. UGH!
“I didn’t want to offend anyone” – I do not have that power. How someone takes something is not in my control. I put a disclaimer at the beginning of the post letting people know that the post contained extremely foul language and to stop reading if they would be offended. If someone was offended, then it is their problem, not mine.
“I also did not want to people to think I was just some trashy, foul-mouth lunatic” – The people who know me, know the person I truly am and the depths of my heart. I still struggle from time to time with what others might think of me and it’s mostly because I slip back into old ways of not thinking much about myself. I have written a couple of posts about loving and believing in myself but it, as most things, is a process. Some days I’ve got it, others days it’s a struggle.
I have decided, after much thought, to put the post back up on this blog. This blog is suppose to be about the “good, bad & ugly” of my codependency and if I try to cover something up, then I am not being real, nor am I allowing people to see the pain I may be in for the moment. I do not want this blog to be all fluff and irrelevant to someone who may be in the midst of “the storm”. I want them to see that someone else has been there or is going through one themselves and be able to relate and draw strength and encouragement (maybe even a little laughter) from it.
The thoughts and emotions in this blog are mine and mine only. They are my truth and my perception. Others do not have to agree or even like them, but they are mine. How someone may perceive or judge me is not in my control, nor is it any of my business. They are entitled to their own opinions, as am I.
With that said, I have re-posted the post.
I’m very inspired that you went back and recognized the codependency in your decision. And, had the courage to repost and write your reflections.
Thank you Birdie R! Yep, if I’m not going to be real with myself and others, then what’s the point in sharing, right? thank you for the encouraging words!