Obsession, Overwrought, Overwhelmed I had an obsession To love you Like I thought you needed to be loved I was overwrought With fear, guilt and shame When my love was not enough I was overwhelmed With my failure To love you like you needed to be loved I understand now To love me So I... Continue Reading →
I had a very busy day so I’m a little too exhausted to dig deep. So, here’s another short and sweet… Neediness, Numb, Negligence In my neediness (wanting or needing affection, attention, or reassurance, especially to an excessive degree) I was numb (emotionally unresponsive; indifferent) to the negligence (failure to take proper care in doing something) I... Continue Reading →
Manipulation, Minimize, Mask Do you realize that codependents are masters of manipulation? I had no idea! Let me tell you, learning that was like a blow to the gut. I did not like hearing that I was a manipulator (to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage) but... Continue Reading →
Loathed, Lacked, Lost For me there is a great distinction between hate and loathe. I hate a lot of things and have even claimed to have hated some people from time to time (though I do not hang on to that burden long) but loathe is something all together different to me. Loathe is a... Continue Reading →
Knack, Kowtowing, Keelhauling, Knowing, Knee-jerk, Know I’m going to make this short and sweet. I had a knack (a tendency to do something) to kowtowing (act in an excessively subservient manner) knowing (done in full awareness or consciousness) that it wasn’t right or healthy for me and a knee jerk (automatic and unthinking) reaction to... Continue Reading →
Jackasses, Joyless, Jeopardy My mother uses the term jackass when she discusses the very few men she doesn’t like. It’s much nicer than the term(s) I use but since it falls in line with my “J” list, I will use it. Wink, wink So, let’s just start with the fact that my picker was broken.... Continue Reading →
Insecure, Individual, Isolation, Insanity Insecure - subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured It’s not pleasant to remember how terribly insecure I used to be. Leave me alone for 10 minutes and I thought my life would end. Walk out that door and I worried you would never come back. Have a bad... Continue Reading →
Hurt, Hurting, Hurts Twelve years ago I could not tell you what "hurt" me outside of what was physically, mentally and emotionally going on in my world at that moment. And at that moment I was hurt by the lying and cheating. I was hurt by the unending manipulation. I was hurt by the palm... Continue Reading →
Gullible, Guilt I use to be so gullible; I believed just about anything anyone would tell me. If Chicken Little would have told me, "the sky is falling", I would have been right there with him, running in circles and trying to save everyone. Somehow I believed that I was needed, wanted and loved based on... Continue Reading →
Fear, Failure, Feat Wow! This challenge has been much more difficult than I expected. It is causing me to look back specifically at each issue but is giving me reason to celebrate who and what I am today. It's a short one today so let's get started... I lived most of my life in fear.... Continue Reading →
Enabler, Excuses, Evasive Let me just start this with the saying, "You don't know what you don't know" and I didn't know. I didn't know what an enabler was. I didn't know that all my "helping" was actually "harming". I didn't know that trying to save someone from their toxic behaviors was feeding their need to... Continue Reading →
Denial, Delusional, Deceit, Debacle Oh good grief! When I started this little A-Z challenge I don't think I really thought it through well. I’m laughing at myself now because it’s only day 4 and who wants to admit these damn words? Delusional: having false or unrealistic beliefs or opinions - Yep, I had false and unrealistic beliefs of... Continue Reading →
Journey On Strong 