Rebound, Reliable Rebound - Going from one relationship to the next right away to avoid the pain of a breakup. One way I dealt with my feeling of hurt and betrayal was to rebound to the next relationship. So basically, I didn’t deal with them. For some reason, I could not be alone. Having someone,... Continue Reading →
Quiet, Quest, Questions I was quiet about my quest My quest to find love My quest to find peace My quest to find happiness My quest to find acceptance Too quiet I shut out that still small voice I did not ask questions Questions that would guide me Questions that would protect me Questions that... Continue Reading →
Pusillanimous, Passive Aggressive I had an album when I was a teenager by the Rutles. I don’t remember where it came from but there was one song that always stuck with me, or should I say, one line from one song that always stuck with me; “You're so pusillanimous, oh yeah." I remember looking up... Continue Reading →
Obsession, Overwrought, Overwhelmed I had an obsession To love you Like I thought you needed to be loved I was overwrought With fear, guilt and shame When my love was not enough I was overwhelmed With my failure To love you like you needed to be loved I understand now To love me So I... Continue Reading →
I had a very busy day so I’m a little too exhausted to dig deep. So, here’s another short and sweet… Neediness, Numb, Negligence In my neediness (wanting or needing affection, attention, or reassurance, especially to an excessive degree) I was numb (emotionally unresponsive; indifferent) to the negligence (failure to take proper care in doing something) I... Continue Reading →
Manipulation, Minimize, Mask Do you realize that codependents are masters of manipulation? I had no idea! Let me tell you, learning that was like a blow to the gut. I did not like hearing that I was a manipulator (to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage) but... Continue Reading →
Knack, Kowtowing, Keelhauling, Knowing, Knee-jerk, Know I’m going to make this short and sweet. I had a knack (a tendency to do something) to kowtowing (act in an excessively subservient manner) knowing (done in full awareness or consciousness) that it wasn’t right or healthy for me and a knee jerk (automatic and unthinking) reaction to... Continue Reading →
Jackasses, Joyless, Jeopardy My mother uses the term jackass when she discusses the very few men she doesn’t like. It’s much nicer than the term(s) I use but since it falls in line with my “J” list, I will use it. Wink, wink So, let’s just start with the fact that my picker was broken.... Continue Reading →
Insecure, Individual, Isolation, Insanity Insecure - subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured It’s not pleasant to remember how terribly insecure I used to be. Leave me alone for 10 minutes and I thought my life would end. Walk out that door and I worried you would never come back. Have a bad... Continue Reading →
Hurt, Hurting, Hurts Twelve years ago I could not tell you what "hurt" me outside of what was physically, mentally and emotionally going on in my world at that moment. And at that moment I was hurt by the lying and cheating. I was hurt by the unending manipulation. I was hurt by the palm... Continue Reading →
Gullible, Guilt I use to be so gullible; I believed just about anything anyone would tell me. If Chicken Little would have told me, "the sky is falling", I would have been right there with him, running in circles and trying to save everyone. Somehow I believed that I was needed, wanted and loved based on... Continue Reading →
Fear, Failure, Feat Wow! This challenge has been much more difficult than I expected. It is causing me to look back specifically at each issue but is giving me reason to celebrate who and what I am today. It's a short one today so let's get started... I lived most of my life in fear.... Continue Reading →
Journey On Strong 