Knack, Kowtowing, Keelhauling, Knowing, Knee-jerk, Know I’m going to make this short and sweet. I had a knack (a tendency to do something) to kowtowing (act in an excessively subservient manner) knowing (done in full awareness or consciousness) that it wasn’t right or healthy for me and a knee jerk (automatic and unthinking) reaction to... Continue Reading →
My A – Z Codependency Challenge – J
Jackasses, Joyless, Jeopardy My mother uses the term jackass when she discusses the very few men she doesn’t like. It’s much nicer than the term(s) I use but since it falls in line with my “J” list, I will use it. Wink, wink So, let’s just start with the fact that my picker was broken.... Continue Reading →
My A – Z Codependency Challenge – I
Insecure, Individual, Isolation, Insanity Insecure - subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured It’s not pleasant to remember how terribly insecure I used to be. Leave me alone for 10 minutes and I thought my life would end. Walk out that door and I worried you would never come back. Have a bad... Continue Reading →
My A – Z Codependency Challenge – H
Hurt, Hurting, Hurts Twelve years ago I could not tell you what "hurt" me outside of what was physically, mentally and emotionally going on in my world at that moment. And at that moment I was hurt by the lying and cheating. I was hurt by the unending manipulation. I was hurt by the palm... Continue Reading →
My A – Z Codependency Challenge – G
Gullible, Guilt I use to be so gullible; I believed just about anything anyone would tell me. If Chicken Little would have told me, "the sky is falling", I would have been right there with him, running in circles and trying to save everyone. Somehow I believed that I was needed, wanted and loved based on... Continue Reading →
My A – Z Codependency Challenge – F
Fear, Failure, Feat Wow! This challenge has been much more difficult than I expected. It is causing me to look back specifically at each issue but is giving me reason to celebrate who and what I am today. It's a short one today so let's get started... I lived most of my life in fear.... Continue Reading →
My A – Z Codependency Challenge – E
Enabler, Excuses, Evasive Let me just start this with the saying, "You don't know what you don't know" and I didn't know. I didn't know what an enabler was. I didn't know that all my "helping" was actually "harming". I didn't know that trying to save someone from their toxic behaviors was feeding their need to... Continue Reading →
My A – Z Codependency Challenge – D
Denial, Delusional, Deceit, Debacle Oh good grief! When I started this little A-Z challenge I don't think I really thought it through well. I’m laughing at myself now because it’s only day 4 and who wants to admit these damn words? Delusional: having false or unrealistic beliefs or opinions - Yep, I had false and unrealistic beliefs of... Continue Reading →
My A – Z Codependency Challenge – C
Control, Care-taking, Communication I never thought I had any control issues. Nope, not me. But you see, control issues are sneaky little bastards. I thought everyone else had the issues and I was there to help and make it happen. If you were hungry, I fed you. If you were sad or angry, I tried to... Continue Reading →
My A – Z Codependency Challenge – B
Boundaries, Blame, Busy The first time I read the word "boundaries" in Melody Beattie's book, Codependent No More, I thought, "What the hell are boundaries?" The counselor I was seeing at that time recommended I read it so I did. Now, it's pretty sad that I had no clue what "setting boundaries" meant but what's even... Continue Reading →
Sometimes…Doing What Is Right For Me Can Be Hard
Do you let your codependency and people-pleasing issues get in the way of taking care of yourself and doing what it right for you or just right in general? Yeah, that would be me. I still catch myself getting stuck in these ruts. However, today, I know how to get out of them. Sometimes I... Continue Reading →
Affirmation
Where do you get your affirmation? Most of my life I looked for affirmation from others. I needed to hear their words of praise, encouragement, love... I NEEDED it. I would receive compliments or praise and I would feel an ever so brief fluttering of pride. Then I would start feeling they didn't really mean... Continue Reading →