I love my friends and really don’t know where I would be today without them. However, sometimes I just wish I could hide from them all. When I sit back and think about it, and I certainly have the past two days, I realize that what I think is a problem with them is really a problem with me. My attitude, my perception, my knee-jerk reaction. I seem to be making mountains out of mole-hills or as someone said to me once, “pole-vaulting over mouse turds”.
My friends love and care about me, and as all good friends do, they let me know it. At times that may come as a reality check, a harsh or critical word, or even a distancing or lack of communication. How I choose to receive these is up to me. My first reaction is to feel judged and no one likes to be judged. My second reaction is to become indignant and think how dare they. Then my third reaction is to sit and stew about it for a day or two until I can put it all back into perspective. The reality is, they would not express concern if they really did not care. Unfortunately, the concern is not expressed directly to me, it is expressed to others. Kinda hurtful but it’s what we as humans do because we really do not want to hurt someone. Just my humble opinion and yes, I have done the same.
Yes, I have been slacking off a bit. I have been overwhelmed with illness, pain, and life in general. Whatever is going on with my health is too much to understand and will not get better in just a week. The thought of it all paralyzes me and I want to escape. When your body is run down, wait, let me rephrase that…when MY body is run down, I want to withdraw and isolate. I’m tired and in pain and I want to escape the stress of everyday life. I have neglected some of my duties and I have remained responsible in other areas. Yes, I am off balance and I realize that on my own. I do not have the energy to fix it all in a day or two.
When someone expresses what truly may be concern, I immediately take it in as disappointment in me. The reaction in my mind is less than gracious. I am grateful that I do not really have an explosive personality and can usually keep it in my mind until I can sort it out and it’s pretty safe to say, I always do.
So let me say it again…I love my friends! They keep me accountable, help me to refocus my thinking and reset my priorities when needed. It’s all in the way that I choose to receive their love and concern, not really in the way that they give it (although it is easier received if not too harsh…that’s just me).