I use to struggle with so much guilt about the way my children were influenced by my codependency. They watched silently as I went from one bad relationship to another, letting myself be used as a doormat and they learned to perpetuate my sick and unhealthy behavior. Sometimes, I still struggle with the guilt but I know that today I am healthier and I now have the opportunity to teach them how to be strong, independent and healthy. What a blessing!
I have made many unhealthy, bad and downright stupid choices in my life, not understanding how they would affect my children. To be honest, I really never considered them. As a mother, that is a horrible thing to say but it is the truth. I was lost in my own world and desperate to fill some sick internal desire to be loved, needed or approved of. We all have this desire, it is the way we were created, but some do not sacrifice themselves to get it. I did.
I do not regret any of the choices in my life because they are what transformed me into the woman I am today. Yes, I often wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn’t done some things or made certain choices, but I do not regret them. I also do not regret the things others have done to me that I had no choice or part in. Those too, shaped my life for the better. You know the old saying, “Hindsight is 20/20”, right? It certainly is but it’s what you do with that hindsight that matters. You have the opportunity to learn and grow from it and allow the pain and suffering to make you a better person, or you can deny you had anything to do with it, everything you did was right and wallow in self-pity and remain stuck.
Today I get to walk along side my children, a better mother, and encourage them when things get tough. Yes, they must walk their own path but I pray my actions and attitude give them strength to learn and grow from their experiences, as I have mine. My children are AMAZING young adults and I am overfilled with love and blessings because of them!
I found a quote; I’m not sure who it’s by but it is so true:
“Your people can’t walk in your footsteps if you don’t move your feet”.
Today, I am moving my feet!