I’m not feeling well today. Nothing new; I haven’t felt well in a long time. I have a whole host of pains and other issues and it seems no one in the medical field is taking me seriously. I have pain like I’ve never had before. The pain in my legs when I’m sitting gets so bad that I have to stand and move. The aches throughout my whole body have turned me to trazadone but of course, that makes me feel so dizzy and nauseous, which is a different kind of dizzy and nauseous from when I’m not taking it. I can only take it when I just can’t bear it any longer. The pain has brought me to tears at night and that is just not normal.
Several days a week, mostly in the late afternoon to evening time, I start to run a low-grade fever. This has been going on for almost a year. When I tell my doctor, he just sends me for a Covid test.
In June, June 10th to be exact, a rat chewed through the water supply line of my refrigerator and flooded my kitchen, family room, dining room and living room. It was an utter disaster. I lived in my bedroom for 60+ days, eating, sleeping, relaxing, working…everything, as they did the repairs. On August 11th, everything was moved back into the house. And there it sits.
It is now September 17th and I have managed to move two shelves, the couch and loveseat, and unpack approximately 8 of the 30+ boxes sitting in the family room. I get so tired when I try to do anything and there is so much to do.
Two weeks ago, I was finally referred to a cardiologist and she was amazing. I felt she really listened and heard me. I did a bunch of lab work, am currently wearing a heart monitor for two weeks and will have a stress test in November. Today I’m going to spend a little time trying to do some cleaning and unpacking and hopefully they will see what happens when I try to exert the slightest bit of energy on this damn monitor.
In March I started using a bi-pap machine and for the first time in years, I was getting some amazing sleep! It was incredible! However, the past couple of months, my blood sugars are taking a dive at night and the freaking continuous glucose monitor I am on starts sounding the alarm every 5 minutes anywhere from 2am to 4am. Then, I have to chew some glucose tablets or find something to eat or drink and it really sucks. By that time, I am completely awake. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in a couple of months now although I have been enjoying some really nice quiet time in the morning.
I’m trying to walk this journey with as much positivity as I can but this week, I just can’t. I’m tired. I don’t feel good. I just want to cry half the time from the pain. It’s not normal! I’m making sure to do the things I’m supposed to be doing but it’s not helping. So I just wanted to vent for a minute and get it out of my system.
In the words of Martin Luther King, Jr.,
Journey On Strong 
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