Week 41: How I Stay Centered During Conflict

(And the Day I Completely Forgot Everything I’ve Learned)

Let’s be real, staying calm during conflict sounds great in theory. Deep breathing, mindful pauses, maybe a peaceful cup of tea afterward. But sometimes, despite all the personal growth and journaling and healing, something happens that makes all of that fly right out the window.

A few weeks ago, I shared a post called When a Trigger Hits Like a Freight Train. That story perfectly sums up what not staying centered looks like. And since I’m all about transparency, here’s the honest truth: I failed at it. Big time.

When My Calm Left the Chat

The situation came out of nowhere: an early morning phone call, voices raised, accusations flying. My body immediately went into full-on defense mode. Heart racing, adrenaline pumping, the whole thing.

Did I pause? Nope.
Did I breathe? Not once.
Did I handle it gracefully? Not even close.

If there were a “Staying Centered During Conflict” test, I would have gotten a zero.

But here’s the thing: that doesn’t make me a failure. It makes me a human who sometimes forgets her tools when she’s hit by an emotional freight train.

Finding My Way Back

After the chaos settled, I did what I always do, reflected (and maybe replayed the whole thing in my head 47 times). Then I reached for what helps me get back to center:

• Deep breaths and laughter. I started with a few long, grounding breaths, and later, when I was ready, I laughed about how fast I went from zen to zero. Humor helps me loosen the grip of shame.
• A reality check. I reminded myself that not every raised voice is a personal attack. Sometimes people project, panic, or just have their own freight trains barreling through.
• Movement. I went for a walk. Nothing clears my mind faster than putting one foot in front of the other and letting the fresh air untangle the mess in my head.
• Journaling. Writing helped me see that what really upset me wasn’t the argument itself, it was the feeling of being accused unfairly, something that taps right into old wounds.
• Grace. I didn’t apologize (I wasn’t ready, and honestly, I didn’t feel I needed to). But I did forgive myself for reacting. Growth doesn’t mean perfection; it means noticing when we’re off track and gently steering back.

What I’ve Learned (Again)

Conflict isn’t the enemy, disconnection is. I may not have handled things perfectly, but every time I practice awareness, I build a little more strength for the next time.

Staying centered isn’t about staying calm every moment. It’s about knowing how to return to calm, even if it takes a few laps around the block, a journal entry, and a good laugh at yourself.

Reflection question:
What’s your go-to way to get back to center after a heated moment?

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Join me on this blogging challenge. Visit the page and download the PDF. I would love to read your story! 

• Week 41 – Blogging Challenge for Codependency Recovery:
  • Trusting Myself Again: Reflect on rebuilding self-trust.
• Week 41– Blogging Challenge for Advanced Codependency Recovery:
  • How I Stay Centered During Conflict: Share techniques for managing disagreements effectively.

#CodependencyChallenge2025