Week 12: Releasing the Need for Approval

Releasing the Need for Approval: Reflect on moments where you’ve let go of external validation.

My Ongoing Battle with People-Pleasing Rehab

There was a time when a side-eye from a stranger could send me into an existential crisis. Did I say something wrong? Did I wear the wrong shoes? Am I radiating “bad person” energy? My brain was basically a 24/7 approval-seeking missile, locked on target and ready to self-destruct at the first sign of disapproval.

Recovering from people-pleasing and the need for external validation has been like unlearning a bad dance routine—awkward, frustrating, and full of missteps. But over the years, I’ve had moments (glorious, freeing moments) where I let go of the need for approval and just lived.

The Time I Said “No” Without a 12-Point Explanation

If you’ve spent most of your life as a people-pleaser, you know that saying “no” is usually followed by a dissertation-length explanation to soften the imaginary blow. One day, though, I just… didn’t. Someone asked me to take on something I didn’t want to do, and I simply said, “No, I can’t.” And then (gasp!) I didn’t explain why. The silence hung in the air like an unsupervised toddler with a marker, but guess what? The world didn’t end. They didn’t press for details. Life went on, and I walked away feeling like a boundary-setting rockstar.

When I Wore the Outfit I Liked

I used to dress based on what I thought other people would approve of. If an imaginary committee in my head wouldn’t vote “yes” on my outfit, back in the closet it went. But one day, I threw on something that made me happy—an oversized tshirt, sweat pants, and the kind of socks that scream, “I may or may not be considering a nap later.” Did anyone else care? Probably not. Did I feel like a cozy, confident queen? Absolutely.

Posting Without Overthinking

Before hitting “publish” on a blog post or social media caption, my old routine involved reading it at least 47 times, checking for potential controversy, and wondering if I’d offend the three people who might take issue with it.” Then, I decided to just post and go. If my words resonated, great. If not, the internet would survive.

The Day I Didn’t “Fix” Someone’s Discomfort

Oh, this was a tough one. I once sat in an awkward moment where someone seemed uncomfortable, and my usual instinct would have been to crack a joke, smooth things over, or take responsibility for the vibe. But instead, I just let it be. Their emotions weren’t mine to manage. And surprisingly? They handled it. I didn’t have to be the human emotional air freshener.

Letting Go (And Continuing to Let Go)

Releasing the need for approval isn’t a one-and-done deal—it’s a daily practice. Some days, I still catch myself seeking validation like a dog waiting for a treat. But now, I can pause, laugh at myself, and remind myself that my worth isn’t based on someone else’s opinion.

If you’re on this journey, take heart: Every time you choose authenticity over approval, you win. So wear the funky socks, say “no” without a PowerPoint presentation, and let people think whatever they want. They will anyway!

For more stories, laughs, and lessons from my recovery journey, check out JourneyOnStrong.com. And remember—your worth isn’t up for debate.

Join me on this blogging challenge. Visit the page and download the PDF. I would love to read your story! 

• Week 10 – Blogging Challenge for Codependency Recovery:
  • Unlearning People-Pleasing: Reflect on moments when you prioritized others at your expense.
• Week 10– Blogging Challenge for Advanced Codependency Recovery:
  • Releasing the Need for Approval: Reflect on moments where you’ve let go of external validation.

#CodependencyChallenge2025