Week 9: Practicing Radical Acceptance

Practicing Radical Acceptance: It Is What It Is (Even If I Don’t Like It)

I used to believe that if I just tried hard enough, planned well enough, and cared deeply enough, life would bend to my will. Spoiler alert: It didn’t.

Instead, life did what it wanted, and I exhausted myself fighting against reality. I had expectations of how things should be, how people should act, and how my efforts should be rewarded. But instead of making me feel in control, all it did was leave me frustrated, disappointed, and constantly bracing for the next letdown.

Then I stumbled upon this little thing called radical acceptance. At first, I resisted it (which, looking back, is kind of ironic). Accepting reality as it is—without trying to change, fight, or control it—felt like admitting defeat. But what I didn’t realize is that radical acceptance isn’t about giving up. It’s about letting go of unnecessary suffering.

My Reality Check Moment

One of my biggest lessons in radical acceptance happened in the kitchen.

I am not a good cook. I want to be a good cook. I follow recipes, I measure ingredients, I do everything right… and still, my food comes out meh at best and a fire hazard at worst. For a long time, I kept thinking, “I should be better at this.” I watched cooking videos, bought fancy spices, and tried so hard to make it happen.

And then, one day, standing over yet another failed attempt at something edible, I just sighed and said, “It is what it is.”

I am not a good cook. That’s reality. No amount of wishful thinking changes that. And you know what? That’s okay. I can embrace takeout, lean into my strengths (hello, excellent breakfast-making skills), and accept that my kitchen disasters are just part of who I am.

Wrestling With “Should”

One of the biggest barriers to radical acceptance is the word should.

• “They should know better.”
• “This shouldn’t be happening.”
• “Things should have turned out differently.”

I was constantly arguing with life about how things should be, instead of accepting how they actually were. And let me tell you, life didn’t care about my arguments.

Reality is undefeated.

Once I stopped should-ing all over everything and just accepted what is, I found peace in the weirdest places—like grocery store lines, difficult conversations, and even my own shortcomings.

So, What Does Radical Acceptance Actually Change?

The situation? Nope.
Other people? Definitely not.
My stress levels and ability to handle life? Absolutely.

Here’s what I’ve learned to accept instead of fight:

• People are who they are. Wishing someone would change doesn’t mean they will. Accepting who they actually are lets me set better boundaries (and waste less energy).
• Life isn’t fair. Sometimes good people struggle, hard work goes unnoticed, and plans fall apart. That’s reality, and resisting it only makes it harder.
• My past happened. No amount of regret or replaying it will change it. I can accept it, learn from it, and move forward.
• I will never be a great cook. Instead of forcing something that doesn’t come naturally, I can embrace simple meals and let someone else handle the fancy recipes.

The Truth About Letting Go

Radical acceptance doesn’t mean I like everything that happens. It doesn’t mean I stop trying to improve myself or my circumstances. It just means I stop making myself miserable over things I can’t change.

Life is going to do what life does. People will make their own choices. Situations won’t always go my way. But instead of resisting reality, I can take a deep breath, remind myself “it is what it is”, and focus on what I can control—my attitude, my actions, and how much peace I let myself have.

Because honestly? I’d rather be happy than right.

So tell me, what’s one thing you’ve finally accepted instead of fighting? Let’s talk in the comments. And if you’re still in the ring wrestling with reality, you’re not alone. We’re all in this together.

Join me on this blogging challenge. Visit the page and download the PDF. I would love to read your story! 

• Week 9 – Blogging Challenge for Codependency Recovery:
  • My Strengths and Weaknesses: Acknowledge what makes you unique and areas you want to grow.
• Week 9 – Blogging Challenge for Advanced Codependency Recovery:
  • Practicing Radical Acceptance: Share how accepting reality as it is has transformed your life.

#CodependencyChallenge2025