The longest night you ever spent
Being the people-pleasing, under achieving, no self-esteeming, flaming codependent that I was, I have countless long nights in my history. Each one of them brought on by my own poor choices and devastating consequences. However, since I am to write about the “longest night”, I will write about the one that was the most life changing for me as well. I’m not going to tell you about the bad choices and reckless behaviors that brought me to this night (you’ll have to buy the book for that) but I will tell you that this night changed my life forever.
Twenty years ago I met a man who was in prison, through a friend of mine. I married this man while he was in prison and I lost whatever little bit of myself there was left, to this man. I did things for this man that no one in their “right” mind would ever do and one day, it all caught up with me.
I found myself curled up in a ball on my bedroom floor that night, struggling to breathe through the sobs; gripped in fear and choking on the shame. My life was out of control and I couldn’t see any possible way it was going to get better. This was the night that I called out to a God I didn’t know and begged, pleaded and bargained for his help and mercy. This was the night that I challenged God to reveal himself to me. And, this was the night He did.
Curled up, breathless and sobbing on my bedroom floor, I felt Him wrap His arms around me. I mean, I literally felt Him holding me; calming me with His loving tenderness and peace. It is a moment I will never forget as long as I live.
Jeremiah 29:12-13 “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
This was the night, I met God. This was the night I knew He was real. This was the night that my life began to change. The longest, hardest, scariest night of my life was ultimately one of the biggest blessings of my life.