Week 27: Navigating Relapses or Old Patterns

Navigating Relapses in Codependency Recovery When Old Habits Creep Back In

I wish I could tell you that once you start healing from codependency and people-pleasing, those old habits pack their bags, wave goodbye, and head off into the sunset forever. But let’s be real — they’re more like that neighbor who occasionally shows up uninvited, just when you thought you had some peace and quiet.

Even after years of growth, there are still moments when I catch myself slipping. Maybe I agree to something I really don’t want to do (like the 8-month-old pit bull mix that is currently terrorizing my house). Maybe I start obsessing over someone else’s feelings while completely ignoring my own. Maybe I say “yes” before I even realize I had the option to say “let me think about it.” Sound familiar?

The Sneaky Nature of Old Patterns

One of the trickiest parts of recovery is that these patterns don’t always announce themselves. They slide in quietly, often dressed up as “being helpful” or “keeping the peace.” Before I know it, I’m rearranging my schedule to accommodate someone else’s last-minute request while my own priorities sit neglected on the back burner.

The good news? I recognize it much faster now. What used to take weeks or months or even years to see now usually gets a, “Wait a minute… I know this game!” within hours or days.

How I Handle the Slip-Ups

Here’s what I’ve learned to do when old habits resurface:

1. Notice, Don’t Shame
   First, I acknowledge what’s happening without beating myself up. “Ah, there you are, old people-pleasing tendency. I see you.” Ok, to be honest, I am totally beating myself up about the dog.
2. Get Curious
   I ask myself what triggered it. Am I feeling insecure? Am I trying to avoid conflict? Do I just want to be liked? Understanding the “why” helps me address the root, not just the symptom.
3. Pause and Reassess
   If possible, I hit pause. I remind myself, “Just because I said yes doesn’t mean I can’t change my mind.” Yes, that’s allowed.
4. Practice the Repair
   If needed, I circle back and have the conversation I should’ve had the first time. “Hey, I actually overcommitted. I won’t be able to help with that after all.” It’s uncomfortable but freeing.
5. Celebrate the Awareness
   The fact that I noticed it at all is progress. I’m not aiming for perfection. I’m aiming for awareness and growth.

Progress, Not Perfection

Relapses aren’t failures. They’re reminders. They remind me that this work is ongoing, that growth isn’t linear, and that self-compassion is a crucial part of recovery. Every time I catch myself, I get a little stronger. And honestly, sometimes I even laugh. “Oh look, there I go again. Stop it!”

If you’ve found yourself slipping into old patterns, you’re not alone. Be kind to yourself. Recognize it, learn from it, and keep going. This is part of the journey.

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Join me on this blogging challenge. Visit the page and download the PDF. I would love to read your story! 

• Week 27 – Blogging Challenge for Codependency Recovery:
  • Healing from Resentment: Write about a relationship where resentment existed and how you’re healing.
• Week 27– Blogging Challenge for Advanced Codependency Recovery:
  • Navigating Relapses or Old Patterns: Write about how you handle moments when old habits resurface.

#CodependencyChallenge2025