Week 14: Loving Without Losing Myself

Loving Without Losing Myself: A Delicate Dance

There was a time when I thought love meant saying yes to everything, being available 24/7, and bending myself into a human pretzel to meet everyone else’s needs. You know what I mean, don’t you? Spoiler alert: That didn’t end well. Turns out, that’s not love—it’s self-abandonment, self-neglect, self-abuse, and a desperate need for control in a shiny, people-pleasing package.

Through my recovery journey (and a few faceplants along the way), I’ve learned that truly loving others means loving myself, too. It’s a delicate dance, one where I get to be on the dance floor instead of just clapping in the corner while everyone else has fun. Now mind you, this is not about those times when I say, “Get off the dance floor”! Two totally different floors. 

So, how do I balance care for others without losing myself? Let me break it down:

1. The Oxygen Mask Rule: Not Just for Airplanes

You know how flight attendants tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others? That’s not just good airline policy—it’s life policy. If I’m running on empty, I have nothing to give. So, I take time to breathe, rest, and do things that fill my cup (even if my inner guilt monster protests, and boy does she). 

2. Boundaries: The VIP Rope for My Energy

I used to think boundaries were mean. Now, I see them as velvet ropes that protect my peace. Saying “no” (without a side of guilt) lets me say “yes” to what truly matters. Plus, enforcing boundaries means I don’t end up resentfully giving while secretly fantasizing about running away to live with a pack of playful pandas. And let’s be honest—it’s a terrible feeling to do something for someone just because I couldn’t say no, only to end up resenting them for it. It’s not their fault I said “yes” when I didn’t want to. That frustration? It’s all mine. And honestly, I’ve spent too many years being irritated with myself. So, I set up those velvet ropes, because if I don’t treat myself like a VIP, who will?

3. The Art of Selective Availability

Just because my phone dings doesn’t mean I have to answer. I used to be a real-time responder, but now I remind myself: Not every text is a 911 emergency. They can leave a message. Prioritizing my time and energy lets me show up fully for the people who matter most—without feeling like an overworked customer service rep.

4. Self-Care Isn’t Selfish—It’s Maintenance

If my car gets regular tune-ups, why shouldn’t I? Crocheting, TV series bingeing, journaling, long walks, or just staring at the ceiling while doing absolutely nothing—it all counts. Taking care of myself isn’t an indulgence; it’s how I ensure I don’t break down on the side of the road (or in the middle of a family gathering).

5. Love Without Martyrdom

Caring for others shouldn’t require me to sacrifice my well-being. Love given from a place of wholeness feels light and joyful, not exhausting and obligatory. When I’m taking care of myself, I can give without secretly keeping score or feeling depleted.

Final Thoughts Balancing care for others with self-care isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary. Loving myself means I get to love others in a way that’s healthy, fulfilling, and (bonus) doesn’t leave me daydreaming about fake illnesses just to get a break.

So, let’s keep dancing—sometimes leading, sometimes following, but never disappearing from the dance floor altogether.

How do you balance love for others with love for yourself? Share in the comments—I promise I won’t guilt-trip you into responding immediately!

Join me on this blogging challenge. Visit the page and download the PDF. I would love to read your story! 

• Week 14 – Blogging Challenge for Codependency Recovery:
  • Handling Rejection and Disapproval: Share a recent experience and how you responded.
• Week 14– Blogging Challenge for Advanced Codependency Recovery:
  • Loving Without Losing Myself: Reflect on how you balance care for others with self-care.

#CodependencyChallenge2025