It’s Not Pride

I recently took a few online IQ tests just to see where I score since I have never really known what my IQ is. I won’t even get started on what led me to do it…It was a long, winding journey in my head about pride. I took 4 tests because I wasn’t sure the first one was accurate (as accurate as an online IQ test can be), but after four tests, I yield. Each one scored me in the gifted or superior intelligence range and each time I had to laugh.

I’m not trying to boast here. I’m trying to wrap my own mind around the question, “How can someone with a higher IQ be as dumb as a rock at times?” I’m sure my mother is asking the same question! I can see now why I am such a disappointment in her eyes and how I exasperate the F#@& out of her. However, there is more to living (surviving) life than just your intelligence quotient. There are so many factors that play into an individual’s life and decision making abilities but enough said on that. I am not the expert here. 😉

Anyway, on to the real thought…

I’ve read some articles on asking for or expressing what you need from someone or accepting help when offered and it got me to reflecting. I use to think it was my “pride” that kept me from asking for or accepting help but when I think about it, it wasn’t “pride”.

Let’s just take a look at Merriam-Webster’s definition:

Pride: the quality or state of being proud: such as
a : inordinate self-esteem : conceit
b : a reasonable or justifiable self-respect

And now Dictionary.com’s definition:

Pride:

1. a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.
2. the state or feeling of being proud.
3. a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one’s position or character; self-respect; self-esteem.

Ummm…that was certainly NOT me. I did not have any self-esteem or self-respect and I certainly did not have any dignified sense. I realize now that what kept me from seeking or accepting help was just the overwhelming feeling of “unworthiness”. I did not feel worthy of someone wanting to help me and I surely wouldn’t ask. I can’t even describe all the feelings and thoughts I had about asking for or accepting help but the truth was…I needed it.

There was one simple thing that helped me to change my frame of thought. During some of the hardest times of my life, my friend, Nola, was a constant pillar of encouragement. She was always offering to help me in some way or another and I turned her down each and every time. Nola is a Christian and one of the most giving and loving people I know. She silently witnessed to me for 10 years until life brought me to my knees and she was the one I sought out. It was through her that I came to know Christ and I will be forever grateful to her.

One day Nola offered to help me with a small gift of money and as usual, I turned her down. It was then that she told me that, as Christians, we are called to help/bless others however we are able to, if and when we can. She explained that when I reject the offer of help from others, I am denying them the opportunity to be the blessing that God has called them to be. For some reason, that explanation really hit home for me. I think it’s because I very often feel called to be a blessing to others however I am able to and I know it is what God would have me do. It helped me to understand that God says I am worthy and He uses others to help show His love for me. I enjoy being a blessing to others and I don’t want to deny others the opportunity to do as they are called. Does that make any sense? I’ve had to remind myself of this many times.

It’s still difficult to ask for help at times so I understand if you struggle to do it but I encourage you to accept the help “offered” to you because you ARE worthy and others truly want to do it out of the goodness of their hearts.