Conflict and Confrontation

Today I find myself avoiding it. I know I’ve written about this before and just like before, I will face it, eventually.

This is my struggle: when there is conflict that means people are unhappy. When people are unhappy, well, it just stresses me out. Yeah I know, life is not always rainbows and butterflies. I just need to, once again, put on my big-girl panties and deal with it and I eventually will. Avoidance is temporary, until I can gather my thoughts.

You know what the real problem is? Gathering my thoughts means too much thinking. I’m trying to plan out how this conversation is going to go and thinking of all the ways that this person is going to respond/react and I’m trying to plan out my responses to her responses/reactions. It’s giving me anxiety because it does not play out well in my mind. I know I am not responsible for her feelings, responses or reactions but there is still that part of me that doesn’t want her mad at me. Not that she is currently mad at me but in my mind, by the end of our conversation, she will be.

Okay, so let me just be honest and tell you what is going on. My dad has Alzheimer’s disease as some of you who have read my previous post know. Because he worked with large artillery in the military, he has lost a lot his hearing and it is only getting worse with age. He is also losing his eyesight. The only option to help with his eyesight is to have injections in his eyes. After many months (I think 14) of these injections, Dad does not want to do them anymore. They are extremely painful and in his mind, nothing is better. From my understanding, the injections just slow the progression of the eye disease; they do not stop it nor make his eyesight any better.

I totally understand why he doesn’t want to do them anymore. After fighting with him over it for months, his wife, T, decided that if he doesn’t want them, she is not going to force him to have them. He can still rationalize and at some point, his wishes need to be respected. However, I have an aunt that is not happy about the decision so she insisted T make an eye appointment for dad so she could find out what options are available to him. Because my aunt was insistent, T did.

Well, the appointment was yesterday and since T is still recovering from surgery, my little sister, M, (who is 19) went with my aunt to the appointment. M went to be there for dad because she and her mom felt it would be better for dad so that he would have someone around him that he sees everyday and hopefully not get so confused and anxious. My aunt was not happy about this. To make a long story as short as I possibly can, things did not go well.

It got so bad that M texted T and T sent her mother and friend to go pick up M and my dad at the appointment. There were heated words and my aunt threatened to call APS because she doesn’t like the way dad is being treated. She then called me and left me a heated voicemail and blames T for dad going blind. The voicemail was 4 minutes long and she was cut off at that point.

Anyway, I need to call her back (she called a 2nd time) and I’m just so stressed about it because I agree with T. Dad does not want the injections anymore. And let me tell you, if someone wanted to stick a needle in my eye, oh helllll no! T and M take amazing care of dad! They keep him active and T is with him 24/7. Her life centers around him and making sure he is taken care of and safe. She is not stopping his eye treatments because she purposely wants him to go blind. She is respecting his wishes and he is still coherent enough to know that he doesn’t want them and why.

I don’t believe my aunt is going to be happy that I agree with T and she certainly is not going to be happy that I think T and M are taking such wonderful care of dad. So I plan all this out in my head which I need to stop doing. I have no control over her responses or her reactions. It is not up to me to make her happy and I certainly will not lie to make her feel better. I guess I just needed to write this out to wrap my head around the situation and hold myself accountable to standing my ground when the conversation does happen. Who knows, it may turn out better than I expect.

P.S. I did call but she wasn’t home.