About

My healing journey began with the same questions many of us ask when life feels overwhelming: How did I end up here? Why is this happening to me? When will this ever end? Have you ever wanted to just fall off the face of the earth? I did.

There was a time in my life when I begged God to let me die. More than once. I hated my life. I hated who I was. I dreaded waking up to another day of pretending I was fine. My inner world was heavy with fear, guilt, shame, self-loathing, depression, and a kind of chaos I did not yet understand. It was not a healthy place to live, and I was blind to how I had ended up there.

Eventually, I had to face a hard truth: I played a role in my own unhappiness. I could not blame the people in my life, the things that happened to me, or even God. The choices I made brought me where I was. Taking responsibility for that was painful, but it was also the beginning of real change.

No one really knew how deep my despair went. I was great at hiding it. I focused on keeping everyone else happy, meeting their needs, and making life easier for them. I believed their happiness mattered more than mine. What I did not realize at the time was that I was trying to find my worth and joy through what I could do for others. When that never worked the way I hoped, the disappointment and self-blame only grew. It was not my job to fix people or manage their lives, but I did not understand that yet.

For a long time, there was no real “me.” What I liked depended on what others liked. I had no clear favorites, no real preferences, and no sense of who I was outside of serving everyone else.

In 2004, my carefully built facade began to crumble. The cheerful front I had worked so hard to maintain slowly fell apart, until the whole structure of denial finally collapsed. The aftermath did not happen all at once. It felt like a slow-motion unraveling that took months to fully hit.

In July of 2005, I began the journey of healing and self-discovery. I was thirty-nine years old and had no idea who I truly was. I did not know because I had spent years avoiding myself. I did not like myself enough to want to know. That way of living did not serve me, and it eventually led me into chaos.

Today, I love and respect who I am. Codependency is not something that simply disappears. For me, it is something I stay aware of and work with daily. The work is real, but over time, choosing healthier patterns and treating myself with kindness has become easier.

If any part of this story feels familiar, you are not alone. Let’s connect!