Friday morning started out like any other Friday. I dropped my granddaughter off at school, and when I pulled into my neighborhood, the garbage truck was just driving past. I noticed my neighbor’s garbage cans were still at the curb and thought I’d be nice and bring them up for him since he’s always bringing mine up for me.
A simple little act of kindness. What could possibly go wrong?
After taking care of his cans, I pulled mine up to the front porch. There’s a fence around my porch, and I keep the garbage cans tucked off to the side where they can’t be seen from the street. I put the garbage can in its usual spot, turned around, and noticed something white on the green waste bin. Hmmm. What is that?
I stepped closer and started to lift the lid. I don’t think I got it more than an inch open before I dropped it like it was on fire. MAGGOTS!!!
Not one or two. Not even a couple hundred. There were THOUSANDS of them! Crawling around the rim, covering the sides of the can, and when I looked down, I realized they were EVERYWHERE! All over the ground, all over the patio, and worst of all, I HAD JUST WALKED THROUGH THEM!
Oh. My. GAWD! It was like something straight out of a horror movie. Maggot Armageddon had arrived, and apparently, my front porch was ground zero.
I panicked. And I mean PANICKED! The only way out was to walk back across the killing field I’d just unknowingly crossed. Somehow, I managed to get myself to the gate, slam it shut, run through the garage, and get back inside the house. My heart was racing, my entire body was shaking, and my brain was spinning. I was hyperventilating, trying to process what I’d just seen. Over the years, I’ve had to deal with a maggot or two in a garbage can, but THIS? This was an entirely different level of disgusting.
Naturally, I jumped on ChatGPT. Chat told me to pour boiling water and salt on them and sweep them up. Excuse me? SWEEP THEM UP?! I tried explaining that we weren’t talking about a few maggots here. We weren’t even talking about hundreds. We were talking about THOUSANDS! Actually, more like a GAZILLION! There was absolutely no way I was going back out there with a broom.
I called a local exterminator, and the receptionist told me someone could come out by 4 p.m. Four o’clock seemed like an eternity, but what choice did I have? At least help was coming. Or so I thought.
While I was on the phone with my mother, having a full-blown meltdown about the invasion of the maggots, the exterminator called back. Apparently, they don’t handle that sort of thing because maggots are considered a lawn pest. She suggested I call one of the larger national companies or a lawn service. A LAWN SERVICE?! I called a bigger exterminating company and got essentially the same answer.
Oh, good Lord. My brain was about to explode. What if nobody handled this kind of thing? Was I just supposed to surrender my front porch to the enemy? Pack my belongings and move? Because at that moment, moving seemed like a perfectly reasonable solution.
Back to ChatGPT I went, this time demanding that it find me someone in my area who cleaned up maggots. It gave me a list of bin-cleaning companies and suggested I call the first one. So I did.
The young man who answered the phone was very nice, although I’m pretty sure he was trying not to laugh at the hysterical woman on the other end. He told me he’d be there between 11 a.m. and noon and would help me out. Bless his heart. He had absolutely NO idea what he was walking into.
I called my mother back, and by this point, all she could do was laugh. I informed her that if someone didn’t clean this mess up, I was moving out. And if it cost thousands of dollars to get rid of these disgusting little creatures, I was putting it on HER credit card! I did not care. I was desperate.
Meanwhile, the young man from the cleaning company texted me. I’d sent him a picture of just a small section near my front door, and he now understood that this was a major problem. He suggested I pour boiling water and salt on the maggots. OH NO. NO, NO, NO!
I texted him back: “Oh good Lord, I hope you don’t mean the entire patio. I’m boiling water to put by the front door and I have some salt that I can throw out there after it. But seriously, I really can’t go out to do the whole patio!”
He reassured me that I only needed to treat the area near the front door because I didn’t want any of them getting inside the house. INSIDE THE HOUSE?! Well, thank you very much for THAT little thought!
Now I was in hyper-panic mode. My daughter, Sarah, called, and I launched into my entire panic-filled, hyperventilating tirade all over again. My body would not stop shaking, my heart wouldn’t stop racing, and I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I’d experienced that level of anxiety. But apparently, I had a mission. I had to defend the front door.
I grabbed the first pot of boiling water and carefully opened the front door. Then, even more carefully, I opened the security door. I just KNEW those little bastards were waiting for their opportunity to invade my house. In my mind, their general was standing right at the front of the troops, just waiting for the door to open so he could yell, “CHARGE!”
I started pouring the boiling water as gently as possible because the last thing I wanted was anything splashing back at me. Apparently, I wasn’t gentle enough. The second that water hit the ground, ONE OF THEM POPPED UP AND FLEW INTO MY DOORWAY!
OH, THE SHEER PANIC!!! The enemy had breached the perimeter!
I ran to the kitchen for paper towels because now I had to pick this bastard up off my floor. I grabbed him, and the gagging began. Not your ordinary little gag. I’m talking deep, gut-wrenching, whole-body gagging that hurt all the way down to my toes! At this point, I was convinced I was going to have a heart attack right there in my entryway.
But somehow, I pushed on. I poured the second pot of water, threw down the salt, and slammed those doors shut. Mission accomplished. Sort of.
I sat down at my desk and tried to calm myself. Deep breathing. Think happy thoughts. Focus on something, ANYTHING, other than the gazillion maggots having a convention outside my front door. It wasn’t working very well. My insides were still shaking.
About fifteen minutes later, I decided to check whether the boiling water and salt had done anything. I don’t know what I expected to find, but I can tell you what I WASN’T expecting. THE SMELL! The minute I opened the door, this absolutely gawd-awful stench hit me right in the face. I immediately started gagging again. Oh my GAWD! Could this day possibly get any worse?
And then, at 11 a.m., my hero arrived. His name was Aldrin, from Bin Bros Cleaning.
I went out through the garage to meet him because there was no way I was opening that front door again. He took one look at the situation and explained that this wasn’t something they normally handled. My heart sank. But then he assured me that he was going to take care of it. And he did.
That young man spent THREE HOURS on my front porch, sweeping, cleaning, and power washing. Three hours dealing with something that had practically sent me over the edge, and he never once made me feel ridiculous for being so upset. Aldrin, you are officially my HERO! I don’t know if he fully understands just how grateful I am, but I will never forget his kindness and willingness to help a woman who was about two maggots away from putting her house up for sale.
Now, did all of this get rid of every last one of those disgusting little creatures? Of course not. That would be far too easy. For the past two days, I’ve opened my front door to find three or four stragglers hanging around the entryway. But here’s the difference. I can handle those. I don’t LIKE it, mind you, but I can spray them, sweep them up, and get on with my day. A gazillion? Absolutely not. Three or four? Okay, I can manage that.
Looking back, I can laugh at some of it now. My mother certainly had no trouble laughing while it was happening! And I have to admit, the image of me defending my front door with pots of boiling water while imagining a tiny maggot general commanding his troops is pretty darn funny.
But in the moment, there was nothing funny about it. The panic was real. The shaking was real. The overwhelming feeling that I simply couldn’t deal with what was happening was very real. And maybe that’s just how life goes sometimes. Not every experience needs to become some profound lesson about personal growth or finding our inner strength. Sometimes it’s simply about surviving a particular moment and being able to laugh about it afterward. Although I would have been perfectly happy NEVER having this particular experience in the first place!
Which brings me to one final thing.
Sacramento County and City residents are required under California’s SB 1383 organics recycling law to use their green waste bins for food scraps, food-soiled paper, and yard trimmings.
Well, let me tell you something. I had ONE small, tied-up bag of food scraps in that green waste bin. ONE! And somehow, that turned into Maggot Armageddon on my front porch.
So, Sacramento, with all due respect (actually, with absolutely NO respect for the maggots), I will have to unrespectfully decline to EVER put food scraps in that green waste bin again.
Go ahead and FINE me!
A Special Shout-Out to My Hero!
Before I go, I want to give a very special shout-out to Aldrin and his brother, who recently started their own business, Bin Bro’s Cleaning. As it turns out, I was only their SECOND customer! Can you imagine? You’re just getting your business off the ground, and along comes a hysterical woman with a gazillion maggots on her front porch! Talk about being thrown into the deep end!
But Aldrin showed up, rolled up his sleeves, and spent three hours taking care of a mess that wasn’t even part of their normal services. He was kind, professional, and willing to go above and beyond, and I can’t thank him enough.
So, if you’re in the Sacramento/elk Grove area and your garbage bins could use a good cleaning (and trust me, after this experience, I highly recommend it!), please consider giving these two young men some business. Visit Bin Bro’s Cleaning to learn more or schedule a cleaning. I’d love nothing more than to see their new business thrive!
And Aldrin, if you happen to read this, thank you again. You may have thought you were just helping someone clean up a mess, but to this very grateful woman, you were an absolute lifesaver! ❤️
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