Letting Go of Who I Thought I Had to Be
Back in the day, I used to think I was authentic. I really did. I believed I was being real with myself and others because I was so deep in my codependent patterns, I couldn’t see that I was about as fake as they come. Not intentionally. I wasn’t lying or pretending in an obvious way. I was just constantly editing myself, smoothing the rough edges, and molding my words and actions to avoid disapproval, rejection, or conflict.
People-pleasing felt like kindness.
Avoiding conflict felt like peace.
Putting everyone else first felt like love.
But none of it was actually me. It was survival.
Authenticity, I’ve learned, feels completely different. It’s not about being liked. It’s about being honest. And not just with other people. With myself. It’s when I pause and check in with what I really want instead of rushing to meet someone else’s expectations. It’s when I speak up even if my voice trembles or someone doesn’t agree. It’s when I let go of roles I never signed up for but held onto out of fear.
There have been quiet, holy moments when I’ve felt completely aligned:
- Saying “I don’t know” and not scrambling to fill the silence
- Leaving a conversation where I didn’t perform, over-explain, or apologize for existing
- Realizing I didn’t betray myself just to keep the peace
- Catching myself before jumping in to fix something that isn’t mine to fix
Authenticity feels like standing barefoot on solid ground after years of tiptoeing across eggshells. It’s a deep exhale. It’s my nervous system relaxing because I’m finally telling the truth.
It’s not always pretty. Sometimes it looks like tears. Sometimes it sounds like, “I need space,” or, “That hurt.” But it always feels like freedom.
I’m not trying to impress anyone anymore. I’m just trying to be someone I respect. Someone I can sit with at the end of the day and say, “Yeah, you showed up.”
When was the last time you said or did something that felt deeply honest, even if it was uncomfortable?
Join me on this blogging challenge. Visit the page and download the PDF. I would love to read your story!
- Week 30 – Blogging Challenge for Codependency Recovery:
- What Are My Core Values?: Identify your guiding principles.
- Week 30– Blogging Challenge for Advanced Codependency Recovery:
- What Authenticity Feels Like: Write about moments when you’ve truly felt aligned with yourself.
#CodependencyChallenge2025
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You always make me think, Terri. I’ve actually described myself as a peacemaker. In the past, in my marriage especially, rather than to meet a conflict head-on with my own thoughts and feelings, I set myself aside and simply found a way to make everything peaceful again. I can’t remember the last time I had an argument with ANYONE. More food for thought. Thank you!
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Yep, I was exactly the same way. I avoided conflict or any thing that might cause the slightest emotional discomfort, like the plague. These days, when it comes to conflict, there really isn’t an argument (a heated back and forth) because I say what I have to say and that is it. I don’t need for the other person to acknowledge or understand or care. I don’t dance anymore. If they want to continue the dance, I leave. Simple as that. Ok, it wasn’t simple at first but now I understand that my thoughts, opinions, and feeling matter and I don’t need to “make you understand”. If they don’t understand, it’s their problem, not mine. And boy is that freeing!
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