Week 24: Evolving Boundaries Over Time

Evolving Boundaries Over Time: How My Lines Shifted as I Grew

When I first started my recovery from codependency, I thought boundaries were just walls you put up to keep people from hurting you. I imagined them as invisible force fields that kept everyone at a painful distance. Honestly, I wasn’t wrong for where I was at the time. I needed distance, space, and a strong “no” because I didn’t know how to say yes to myself yet.

Back then, my boundaries were rigid and reactionary. I didn’t create them out of self-respect. I created them out of fear. I was tired of being used, overlooked, and drained by people I was trying so hard to please. So I swung hard in the opposite direction. I withdrew. I said no to everything. I avoided difficult conversations and cut off people I may not have needed to. It was survival mode, and survival mode doesn’t always look balanced.

But over time, with a lot of learning, journaling, and yes, accountability to my sponsor, I started to see that boundaries weren’t meant to push people away. They were meant to help me stay connected to myself while still engaging with others. Real boundaries are flexible. They’re rooted in self-awareness, not self-protection.

Now, my boundaries have evolved into conversations. They’re no longer just rules I enforce. They’re ways I communicate what I need, what I value, and how I care for myself. I can set a boundary without feeling guilty (though sometimes I still feel a little guilty but I do it anyway). I can hold one without being angry. And if someone crosses it, I don’t have to blow up or shut down. I can respond with clarity and calm. Well, most of the time.

Here’s the thing I’ve learned: healthy boundaries grow as you grow. As I became more confident and more in tune with myself, I didn’t need the same defenses. I became more discerning, less reactive. I stopped feeling like I had to explain or justify everything. I trusted myself more.

And isn’t that the real goal? To trust yourself enough to know when to say yes, when to say no, and when to lovingly walk away.

How have your boundaries changed as you’ve grown?

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Join me on this blogging challenge. Visit the page and download the PDF. I would love to read your story! 

• Week 24 – Blogging Challenge for Codependency Recovery:
  • Breaking Free from Negative Self-Talk: Write about a recent experience and how you overcame it.
• Week 24– Blogging Challenge for Advanced Codependency Recovery:
  • Evolving Boundaries Over Time: Reflect on how your boundaries have changed as you’ve grown.

#CodependencyChallenge2025