Black Belt Codependent Interview Series – Mar

Today’s interview is with Mar, a woman who is on an amazing journey of recovery and healing from codependency. Please be sure to check our her blog, This Girls Journey to Serenity, as she shares her journey. Her blog is full of inspiration and encouragement!

Want to share your story and encourage others? If you are interested in participating in the “Black Belt Codependent Interview Series“, please click here and complete the form.

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Mar…

Tell us about yourself.

Hi my name is Mar. I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I struggle with codependency. I am a 48 single mom with 3 amazing sons. And I have pink hair.

How did you know you were codependent?

In 2015 I was dating a dry and then active alcoholic. It was the perfect storm for an addict/codependent relationship. I attend a Christian based 12 step program. Through working that program I have discovered that I was codependent for a long time and had no idea.

How do you think you became a codependent?

It’s how I learned to cope with life. Trying to be the fixer and make others not hurt so much.

Describe codependency in one word?

Chaos

Do you find being a codependent an embarrassing label? If so, why?

I do not. Gaining the understanding of why I was behaving the way I was and that I can cope differently now is awesome. Not everyone understands.

What were your biggest fears relating to your codependency?

That I would lose friendships, which I have, but I have gained genuine healthy amazing friendships.

Do you feel that your codependency controlled you?

Yes. I’ve made changes in many aspects of my life. For example at work. I no longer feel responsible for fixing every problem. I can ask for help when I need it and feel like I am putting someone else out for helping me.

What was the turning point that caused you to seek help or learn more about codependency?

My life was chaos. I had a protective order and broken heart and didn’t understand how my life turned to quickly.

Who did you hurt the most with your codependency?

MYSELF

What does “detachment” mean to you?

Detachment with love is something new for me. In the past, I would have run and shut down to pull away from an unhealthy relationship because I didn’t have the tools to say that my needs were not being met.

What does, “Stay on your side of the street” mean to you?

Stay on your side of the street means to not get involved in someone else’s journey and focus on your recovery.

What does, “Get off the dance floor” mean to you?

I actually have never heard this one but I think get off the dance floor means that knowing when it’s time to separate from unhealthy person or situation.

How did you deal with boundaries in the past and how do you deal with them today?

I didn’t have boundaries because it was always about the other person and not about me.

Have there been any dramatic changes in you, your attitude, or your life since starting your journey of recovery?

Yes, YEs, YES! Understanding the why behind my codependency and healing that part of my heart that I didn’t even realize was hurting has changed me. I have a great sponsor and I am an active member of the leadership team at my meetings. Working the steps, will change you!

What is the hardest part of staying focused on yourself and your recovery?

Old habits are hard to overcome sometimes and recovery shows up in places you do not expect. But having strong friendships with others in recovery keeps my accountable to myself.

What is the easiest part of staying focused on yourself and your recovery?

Rediscovering who I am is fun. Trying new things. Finding joy in simple things.

Without all the drama that codependency brings, do you find life, work, and relationships boring now?

Not at all. My life is filled with recovery stuff.

What are some of the tools you use to help you stay in your recovery?

Being active and serving others during meetings, spending time with others in recovery, meditation, reading, blogging, sharing what is really going on in my head with my sponsor or recovery friends.

Do you have a favorite quote or mantra that helps to keep you going?

Keep coming back, it works if you work it and YOU are worth it.

What words of encouragement or advice do you have for others who are seeking information or beginning their journey of recovering and healing from their issues of codependency?

Find what speaks to you. My current group was not the first group I went to. Don’t be afraid to try different things. You know what you have been doing is not working so there are groups out there that will help you . Be willing to do something different.

Do you have anything else you would like to share about your recovery from codependency?

Know you are not crazy or alone. Know you are not responsible for others actions or to make their journey easier. Know it doesn’t have to be this way and know that it gets better.