Webster’s Dictionary defines codependency as “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin); broadly: dependence on the needs of or control by another.”
Well that stings. Seeing the words “Psychological condition” just makes my skin crawl. Who likes hearing they have a psychological condition? It would take way too much time and energy to research and understand this concept and I am just not up to that much work. The reality is, I already know I am codependent and yes, it is a sickness that is, at times, out of control. I really don’t need to dig any deeper.
I have been recovering from codependency for almost seven years now. It took a marriage to an addict to finally catapult me into the rooms of recovery. When I say the word “catapult”, I want you to get this visual; I married an addict, knowing his issues. Hence, I placed my butt in the sling of the trebuchet. With each passing day, week, month, year, our sicknesses grew and the sling was being pulled further and further back until one day, it was launched and my life was flung with enormous force into the castle wall, which for me was reality. My life was obliterated. Can you visualize that?
By the grace of God, I ended up in the rooms of recovery for codependency. I was in denial at first. Of course I thought HE was the one with the problem, not me. I did not know there was a term for the way I was, nor did I understand why I did the things I did. It was a reality check that shook my whole world. Over the past seven years, I have learned and grown so much and I love and appreciate the woman I am today.
Through this blog, I wanted to journal my life as a codependent and the various challenges and struggles I face almost daily and to also celebrate my successes. I hope that someone out there will read this and find something they can relate to and find encouragement that they are not alone and there is always hope! I encourage you to reply if you read this. Thank you.