For anyone with codependent tendencies, self care is not a concept that comes easy.  Used to giving and not receiving, it can be difficult to turn that attention inward when needed. It is generally needed at all times, however in the process of recovery from narcissist abuse, it is essential. In therapy, it is something I try to encourage as much as possible  and help clients realise that it is more than just making themselves feel good. Healthy self care is not about escaping and distraction. It is not about impulsive behavior based on self pity.  It is about the basics and more.  If we look at the basics first:

Stephen R Covey wrote: “Feeling good doesn’t just happen.  Living a life in balance means taking the necessary time to renew yourself. It’s all up to you. You can renew yourself through relaxation. Or you can totally burn yourself out…

Don’t you wish you could just get on the “recovery elevator”, push a button and be where you want to be in no time? I’d go straight for the top…healing, wellness, wholeness, happiness… within seconds. But alas, there is no such elevator, no such pill, no such magic. There is just the journey of each step, one step at a time, and the journey is what you make it.

Let me tell you about my stairs… When I began my journey, my stairway was long and windy and sometimes, dark and scary. There were days when I thought I’d never be able to make it to the next landing. I was focused on where I was going and where I wanted to be and not taking the time or spending the energy on the step I was on, and focusing on the moment. I tried skipping steps, jumping from…