Barftholomew’s Revenge

Did you know I have an absolutely insane disgust for frogs? Story time…

Yesterday, Emily opened the front door and a tiny frog was sitting on the threshold. When she opened the screen, little (we’ll call him) Barftholomew decided to hop on into my house. He must have had a little heat exhaustion or something because he only hopped once and then just sat there on the tile. Emily’s freaking out (I’m sure something I taught her to do when we encounter frogs) and yelling for me to get the frog.

Now if you know me, you know I just can’t with frogs. However, yesterday I decided I was going to adult this shit. No freaking out, no squirming, no gagging. And guess what? I was a total freaking badass.

I went to the kitchen and got a large plastic cup and carefully and slowly walked right up to Mr. Barftholomew and popped the cup right over him. Then I went and got a piece of cardstock and slid it under the cup and picked it up. I did have to really focus on not freaking out because he was jumping all over the place and I could feel every bit of it.

Emily was impressed and so was I. I’m like, “Yep, I’m a badass. I got this shit!” I walked him out to the front door and FLUNG him into the front yard. Emily laughed and said, “Wow Grandma, you flung him hard.” To which I replied, “Damn Skippy, I flung his ass out there.” Crisis averted. I handled that shit like a BOSS!

That brings us to this morning…I opened the front door to let the cat out. As soon as I opened the screen, something fell from the top of the door. As soon as it hit the floor that little bastard took off hopping! I know I heard him say, “Hiya Bitch!” As he hopped his little ass right under the loveseat where I was just sitting enjoying my coffee.

What am I doing about it? Absolutely nothing. I’m sitting on the couch opposite of it, waiting for it to attack me. I can’t step on the floor because I just know he’s going to jump out and attack me or I’m going to step on him. My toes curl when they hit the floor. Ugh, I’m not up for this today. LOL, I’m all badassed out from yesterday. We’ll see how this plays out. Stay tuned.