Warning…Foul language ahead…read at your own risk. 🙂
Every now and then I just have to sit back and laugh at myself. I mean really laugh. For all the years of recovery I have and all the tools that are in my toolbox, I still mess up. It’s just proof that I will always be a codependent and a people-pleaser. When I slip, I just need to regain my composure, work through the problem and keep moving forward.
So let me tell you what happened the other night that just sent me into a tizzy. My granddaughter’s other grandmother is this small, loud, obnoxious, pushy, crass woman who talks incessantly and very, very loudly. Did I mention she is loud? Anyway, whenever she picks up or drops my granddaughter off, she insists on coming in the house. Every time she comes in, she has to say something about the mess we have here or there or give her opinion or advice on how we should be doing something. It drives me crazy. However, I just smile and say, “Yeah” or whatever else fits the one-sided conversation.
Last Saturday, she texted me that she wanted to swing by the house and pick up my granddaughter’s homework to help her with. I texted back that I was home and to call me when she pulled up and I would bring it out. Didn’t happen. My granddaughter comes walking in and so does Grandma. Not a big deal. My dog, Louie, was shaking his head because he has some ear mites and she just went on and on about getting his ear taken care of. I told her a friend of mine was coming to look at it and help me out with him. Blah, blah, blah… her vet, blah, blah, blah…
So on to Sunday… When she drops my granddaughter off, I am in my room watching TV. My daughter answers the door and in walks the grandmother. “What’s wrong with Louie’s ear? What’s wrong with Louie’s ear?!” Before my daughter could even answer her, she starts walking down the hallway and into MY F****** BEDROOM demanding to know if my friend looked at Louie’s ear.
ARE YOU F******* SERIOUS????
The sad part is that she is one of the only people on this planet that cannot read the crazed look I had on my face. I have been told that I give a “look” and it isn’t always pretty. Especially when I’m giving you the, “ARE YOU F******* SERIOUS????” look. It is something I have to work really hard at being consciously aware of but when I am caught so off guard, shit happens. Sorry about the language but I’m just being real.
My daughter could see how pissed I was as I told her, through my clenched teeth, that my friend hadn’t been by but we were getting him some ear mite medicine in the morning. But, she was oblivious. Or, maybe she wasn’t. Then she handed me a little stained glass panda trinket that she picked up at a thrift store for me. F***…piss me off then hand me a gift. So I tried to regain my composure.
After a few minutes of loud blah, blah, blah, she turned and left my room. I could hear her again asking my daughter as to why things were all over the living room and then complaining about how she thinks my granddaughter is doing in school. (Side vent here: You do 3 worksheets with her in 3 years and you don’t think she is doing well in school? Oh good Lord, give me strength!)
Over the past 9 years, my house has become my place of peace. (Trust me. There was a time I didn’t want to come home at all.) Since my daughter and her family moved in, my bedroom has become my sanctuary. It is MY space. I have never in my life just walked back into someone’s bedroom without being invited. EVER! It’s just an unspoken boundary that lives in the universe of common courtesy and common sense. Or at least I believe it does. If it doesn’t then it should! But then again, my world is vastly different from the real world, so I am told.
Now for the codependent in me… I’m not really sure what to do. Do I address it? And if so, how? Laughing at myself now. If I address it, will it piss her off? Will she even understand how she violated a universal (not just mine, I’m sure) boundary? Is it even worth it or am I just being over dramatic? Well, I know I am a bit but seriously, WHO DOES THAT???