We use various tools every single day of our lives. We have kitchen tools, grooming tools, gardening tools, construction tools, tools to help us walk, tools to help us reach, tools for this and tools for that…the list goes on and on. All these tools were invented to help make our tasks easier. Take the screwdriver; now I don’t know about you, but I can’t live without screwdrivers. Have you ever tried to screw or unscrew something with a butter knife? Yeah, I have and it is a pain in the ass and sometimes cannot be done. A butter knife was not invented to turn screws. However, you also need to have the correct screwdriver to get the job done. I won’t go in to the various types and sizes of screwdrivers; I think you get my point.
The same thing goes for recovery. There are so many tools we can use in our daily (sometimes hourly) recovery to help us reach and maintain our peace and sanity. These tools do not work if they are not used. They are not like magic pills that you can pop into your mouth and life just sails smoothly along. No, they need to be used physically and mentally in order for them to work. You have to purposefully take them out of your toolbox and apply them to whatever situation is happening. For example, I journal or blog to help me work through and get out emotions that I am wrapped up in. It’s a great tool but it will not help me if someone calls and asks if they can stay at my house for a few weeks. Sure, I can write all I want about the emotions/stress the call caused me but it does not handle the situation. I need to pull the tools out that will help guide me in making the decision (the right decision for me) of whether or not I am going to allow someone to stay in my house for a few weeks.
Some of the tools I use often are words, sayings/quotes, or acronyms. They help remind me what I am supposed to do or not do and they are easy to remember. Images are also tools. They help me visualize the life I want and bring me peace.
Boundaries – not allowing others to use, mistreat, or take advantage of me
Staying on my side of the street – minding my own business and not giving my advice/opinions unless asked
Getting off the dance floor – not engaging in unhealthy behavior with someone who is unhealthy
Let my no be no – remembering that it is okay to say no and I do not have to explain
This is just a list of four of my favorite tools but there are so many others. I make sure to pull the correct ones out of my toolbox for each situation. I make sure to use them so that I can remain healthy and happy. Do I get it wrong sometimes? Of course I do! But then back to the toolbox I go. I treasure the tools I have today and I love learning new ones!
What are some of your favorite recovery tools?
Boundaries is a huge one. I was completely unaware of this concept before recovery. But for me, it is more than just not allowing others to use me, but also making sure I don’t mistreat myself. Things like maintaining a good bedtime and getting proper amounts of sleep, limiting time on the computer, etc.
I remind myself that saying “no” to something is in essence saying “yes” to something else. And learning that just because something is “good” doesn’t mean it is the best thing for me to do with my energy and time. It is okay not to use my time to bake muffins for church and spend the time on a prayer walk or with a friend instead.
I also like to memorize scripture to help me stop and refocus my thoughts when I find my mind wandering to places it shouldn’t be going. It helps to have a positive replacement ready to go.
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Oh I like that Cynthia! I’ve never thought about boundaries for myself but that certainly makes sense! I like your examples. Thank you for commenting!
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I’m finally learning I don’t have to explain my no or my boundaries. Reciting steps 1, 2, and 3 of the 12 steps. and the Serenity Prayer have helped me through some really hard times.
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The steps are awesome tools and the Serenity Prayer was like a life-line for me!
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I agree with Jo Anna that the Serenity prayer is a blessing. And the other tools are also excellent.
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Yes they are all excellent tools!
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This is an excellent post and frame of mind. I will have to sit down and really think about mine also. I’ve heard of the coping skills toolbox before, (https://extendedrecovery.wordpress.com/2013/07/14/coping-skills-tool-box/), which is literal; physical, but this is also another very helpful reference. Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you for reading and commenting! I will certainly check out the link. Our toolbox does us no good if we don’t dig through it and use them when needed!
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