Welcome to our “Black Belt Codependent Interview Series”! It has taken me a bit to get this up and running and I’m hoping it will evolve over time.
Today’s interview is with Andrea. Please be sure to check our her blog, Tales From A Mouthy Mermaid for some really encouraging and entertaining reads.
Tell us about yourself.
I am a 60-year-old women in a wonderful, late in life relationship, who has been involved with addicts in some form or another most of my life, starting with my mother.
How did you know you were codependent?
My behavior with my addicts was crazy. I was angry all the time, had to try to control them, didn’t accept their behavior, didn’t understand the First Step and was generally unhappy.
How do you think you became a codependent?
Starting with my mother, who was an alcoholic, then marrying my first husband who was an alcoholic. My behavior was as crazy as theirs but in a different way. I wanted them fixed and I tried to fix them in every manner.
Describe codependency in one word?
Do you find being a codependent an embarrassing label? If so, why?
What were your biggest fears relating to your codependency?
Loss of control, not being able to fix them, and what would happen.
Do you feel that your codependency controlled you?
Yes, all of my thoughts and behaviors.
What was the turning point that caused you to seek help or learn more about codependency?
Breaking the window when I was angry with my husband.
Who did you hurt the most with your codependency?
What does “detachment” mean to you?
Pull back, take care of me.
What does, “Stay on your side of the street” mean to you?
Mind my own business.
What does, “Get off the dance floor” mean to you?
Leave it alone.
How did you deal with boundaries in the past and how do you deal with them today?
I didn’t have any. Now I do and I love having them. It took me years to get it.
Have there been any dramatic changes in you, your attitude, or your life since starting your journey of recovery?
Everything has changed. I am a whole person and choose not to be very involved with addicted people.
What is the hardest part of staying focused on yourself and your recovery?
It’s easy to keep the focus on everything else except ME.
What is the easiest part of staying focused on yourself and your recovery?
I don’t have an answer.
Without all the drama that codependency brings, do you find life, work, and relationships boring now?
Yes, because we were so addicted to all the drama.
What are some of the tools you use to help you stay in your recovery?
Meditation, prayer and meetings.
Do you have a favorite quote or mantra that helps to keep you going?
Mind my own business.
What words of encouragement or advice do you have for others who are seeking information or beginning their journey of recovering and healing from their issues of codependency?
Your life can get better!