I dropped ashes in my coffee…

I tried to get out of bed today and it made me cry. I thought about eating something and it made me cry. I though about what to do today and it made me cry. I tried to reach out and it made me cry. I dropped ashes in my coffee and it made me cry.

I’ve been hurt much this past week and though I was down and struggling some, I was managing to slowly (albeit very slowly) work through it. Until last night. Continue Reading

One of my biggest pet peeves…Manipulation

Please be forewarned…extreme rant ahead but there is a lesson.

I spent most of my life being easily manipulated. As a codependent, I did not see it, understand it or really even care. My mission was to make you a happy. How easy it is to take advantage of someone who has no self-worth. But the truth of the matter is that in being codependent, I was a master manipulator myself, Continue Reading

It really doesn’t matter if you judge me…

Let’s be real…I am who I am and I love who I am today.

Still, I sometimes struggle with what others think about me when I know I shouldn’t. Not too often anymore but like anything else, there are those low times. I know it stems from the conflicts within my own self at times of who and what I am or have done. Continue Reading

Turning the Page

The last several months have been a pure roller coaster ride and I’m to the point I think I’m going to vomit. I need off and the only way to do that is to…you guessed it, “Get Off”. Easier said then done sometimes, I know. Continue Reading

So, how’s that working for you?

When you’re in the rooms of recovery, any kind of recovery, they have a ton of sayings they call tools, to help you stay on or get back on track. This is one of my favorites! Yes, yes, I do ask myself this question, although it certainly is more fun when I get to ask someone else. ¬†Okay, maybe “fun” isn’t the word I should use Continue Reading

Webster’s Definition

Webster’s Dictionary defines codependency as “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin); broadly: dependence on the needs of or control by another.”

Well that stings. Continue Reading

The Answer

Someone recently asked me how I deal with my “qualifier” drinking now. When we met, he wasn’t drinking and was actively participating in his recovery. He has now been drinking for 9 months and it is not up to me to get him to stop. Continue Reading

It Frickin Hurts!

It’s funny, when I was doing the unhealthy¬†things and the codependent behaviors I so often did, I was comfortable with the pain and disappointment. It’s what I grew up with, it’s what I knew. It was expected and understood to some extent. Does that make sense? Continue Reading

It is a challenge…

Staying on my side of the street is not always easy, however, I did it this past week. Someone very near and dear to me fell off the wagon this past week and my heart is truly sad. I have actually had four loved ones fall off within the past three weeks. Needless to say, it has been very sad and stressful. Continue Reading

Sometimes I feel like I stand alone…

but I must remember that I am beautiful in my own way.

Just as many other codependent people, I often feel that I do not have any value or worth. I feel like I take a backseat to others in my life and the things that are happening in their lives are certainly more important than anything happening in mine. Continue Reading