The most you said with just one word
Like most codependent, the hardest thing for me to do is say, “No”. However, that tiny little word has given me so much freedom and has brought me to a place of peace and serenity in my life. Saying “No” has taught me how to set boundaries with others and to honor and respect myself.
It’s not a bad word and I have had to learn that if I say no, the reactions or feelings of others I say no to, is not my problem. And, I don’t need to get all up in my head, spinning in fear about their reactions or feelings.
Let me give you an example from recent history…
My boyfriend is amazing! He is generous, loving, kind, giving, fun, gentle and… an asshole. Okay, just to be fair, he’s the one who says he’s an asshole, not me. However, he is over the top, full of energy, loud, obnoxious and negative. I’ll ask him why he’s so negative and he responds that he’s not negative or a pessimist but he’s a “realist”. He believes that I am extremely naive and way too trusting and kind. We laugh about it sometime because we are like the Yin and Yang; we balance each other, but on occasion, his Yin starts to overtake my Yang and I need a break.
We use to have a wonderful schedule where he would stay home during the week when he was “on call” but he started a new job and has been able to come over every night and the breaks are few and far between. I’ve been telling him that I need him to stay home a few nights so that I can have my “me-time” and usually he just laughs me off. So this past Sunday, he went on a motorcycle ride with his friend and he texted me later in the afternoon and asked me if I wanted him to come over.
Well, I did get up in my head for a few minutes, worrying that if I said no, he would be hurt or get angry. That lasted all of 2 minutes when I finally replied, “No”. I needed to say no for my own peace and sanity. I needed a break from his high energy. I needed to put myself and what I needed first. He texted me again on Monday and again, I said “No”.
Ahhh… I had two very peaceful nights and time to recharge. See, I am an introvert and quiet alone time is how I recharge…and it was glorious! My boyfriend came over last night and I was refreshed and ready to entertain his energy and constant jabbering. LOL Oh, did I mention he’s a talker?
“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions.” ~
“Until you learn how to confidently say NO to so many things, you shall always say YES to so many things. The real summary of a regretful life is a life that failed to balance YES and NO. Yes! A life that failed to recognize when to courageously say NO and when to confidently say YES!” ~
“One friend told me her one big takeaway from three years and $11,000 of therapy was Learn to say no. And when you do, don’t complain and don’t explain. Every excuse you make is like an invitation to ask you again in a different way.” ~