I find it truly mind-boggling how we hold onto the lies from our past. Somehow those lies get deeply embedded in our hearts and we would rather hold on to those than accept the truth about ourselves. It’s more comfortable that way because it’s what we know, I guess. Continue Reading
I will forever be codependent. There is no cure. It is not something I can take a pill for or watch my diet or exercise. The only way to keep it at bay, is to put into practice what I have learned over the years and know that tomorrow will be a better day. Continue Reading
My normal and usual response when someone asks, “How are you?” is to respond with, “I’m fine” or often times, “Great!”. Sometimes it’s the truth and sometimes it’s not. When it’s not, you can’t always tell because I have become so good at masking my feeling. (I was going to use the phrase, “I have become so good at deception” but that just sounds so terrible… sooooo… Continue Reading
So I decided to take a little vacation and head to “California’s Country Music Capital”…Bakersfield. Yes, that is what Wikipedia says it is. Hmmm…My friend Julie described it as the “Armpit of California”. I’m leaning more in her direction after my 5 day stay. Continue Reading
I had a dream last night that was just as weird as it could be. I kept waking up and as I drifted back to sleep, the same dream kept coming back. Usually I don’t remember much about my dreams but on a few occasions there are some that have affected me so much that I remember almost every detail. Last night was one of them Continue Reading
Today was another sad day of letting go of something so dear and precious to me and my children. Another opportunity to do the right thing and another chapter closed. Today my sweet Oreo went to “Doggie Heaven”. Continue Reading
My day has been much better today than it has been in a week. I have not cried once, though I did tear up a bit because I have to put one of my dear pets to sleep, but that’s a story for another day. I still did not get much sleep but overall, I do feel better. Continue Reading
When I first started in my recovery, I had only been a Christian for about 4 years so I was still, as they say, “a baby in Christ”. I knew that if I clung to the promises of scripture, things would work out in the way they should so there was nothing I needed to fear. This was easy enough to do while things were going well and even if things were just a little messy. Continue Reading
I tried to get out of bed today and it made me cry. I thought about eating something and it made me cry. I though about what to do today and it made me cry. I tried to reach out and it made me cry. I dropped ashes in my coffee and it made me cry.
I’ve been hurt much this past week and though I was down and struggling some, I was managing to slowly (albeit very slowly) work through it. Until last night. Continue Reading
Please be forewarned…extreme rant ahead but there is a lesson.
I spent most of my life being easily manipulated. As a codependent, I did not see it, understand it or really even care. My mission was to make you a happy. How easy it is to take advantage of someone who has no self-worth. But the truth of the matter is that in being codependent, I was a master manipulator myself, Continue Reading